Dissecting misery

What is it that is causing me to be miserable?

One hears the world is misery, but that doesn’t prevent one from being miserable. Because speaking/listening etc aren’t intuiting.

I cleanse the atma, the vidya, and then the maheshwara tattvas, and by them all the tattvas. Twice a day. Perhaps to remind myself that the atma I am doing shodhana of by means of the vidya is Shiva, who in turn contains the sarva. And yet I seek my beloved elsewhere, outside of me? Many ghats away, at the Ghat of Kalika…

What is it that seeks the other, if all is in me, including the beloved? What is it that despite being told that attachment is misery still yearns for it, and for it to be reciprocated?

If mantra shodhana doesn’t free me from the pain of viraha, what makes me any different from a pashu? Further, what is this force that binds, without prior remembered experience of the joys and trials of being bound? What power is this that finds love in the middle of the pain of not being with the beloved?

The manas is Akashabhairava. The separation is the fire. The agony is the effect. The writhing and the lived reality of it; Maheshwara.

Sakalam HariharAtmakam